Incognito
by Neezerbean
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if two muggle parents had a magical child and they had both already read the Harry Potter books? What if they were both jokers? Following the story of a muggle family, with a magical member. Just a bit of fun. One shot. Disclaimer: I don't own anything, that right goes to JK.


**I had a dream about the last bit, it was so funny I had to share it with you guys. It's just a bit of fun. Hope you enjoy and please review!**

* * *

Michael and Ismene were very proud of their baby girl. She was their pride and joy and they couldn't resist showing her off to everyone they met. On the day of her birth, they stared down at her in wonder and then quickly glanced at each other.

'Who would've thought, huh?' Michael said weakly.

Ismene smiled. 'Yeah, to think that I used to despise you. Now look what we have.

* * *

Two years later Ismene (who preferred to be called Izzy) was running rather haphazardly around her kitchen, mixing porridge with one hand and clutching a phone with the other. Callie, her baby girl, was currently strapped into a highchair, awaiting her breakfast none too patiently. Izzy's hair was flying in her face and her eyebrows were pulled down into a frown.

"Are you sure that you can't have it here earlier than next week?" she asked desperately.

"Mumma, wan bear!" Callie wailed, stretching her arms out towards the cuddly bear currently perched on the kitchen side.

"Two seconds Callie. I'm sorry, what do you mean there are extra postal charges for that sort of item?"

"BEAR!" Callie screamed.

"You are wearing on my patience! Oh god no, I was just talking to my daughter..."

Callie continued to screech and Ismene cancelled the call, spinning around to have words with her daughter.

"For goodness Sake, Callie! Here, I'll get your stupid bear!" she turned back towards the counter and realized that the bear was no longer there. "I could've sworn it was just there..." she turned back to face Callie.

Callie was gurgling happily, clutching the teddy bear in her small fists.

* * *

"Honestly Michael, one moment it was on the side, the next it was in her hands." Izzy said to her husband as they got ready for bed.

"That is rather weird." Michael replied, as he flopped down onto the bed next to Ismene.

"There was no way she could've got it. Not without climbing down out of her chair, up onto the side like some freaky monkey and back into her chair in the space of 5 seconds. And if she managed that, then we have produced some kind of super baby." Izzy said worriedly.

"How else do you propose she did it then?"

"I don't know. It was like... magic." Ismene said sleepily.

"Magic." Michael said with a frown, looking at Ismene. But she had already fallen asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Ismene woke at 7 like usual and left Michael sleeping soundly as she walked to Callie's room. She could hear she was already awake as she was giggling away to herself.

"Aww, is my little monster already wide awake?" Ismene cooed.

Ismene carefully opened the door, only to witness a most bizarre sight. Callie was sat upright in her cot, with all her toys swirling in the air around her head. She was clapping joyously, obviously delighted by her actions. Ismene could feel her eyes popping out of her head.

"MICHAEL!" She yelled.

Startled, Callie stared at her mother and all the toys dropped to the floor. Ismene did not take her eyes off of her.

"Waz goin' on?" Michael said sleepily as he wandered into the room, shirtless and with his light brown hair sticking up on all ends. Ismene focussed on Callie, who was glancing between her mum and dad.

"Sweetie, can you do that again for Daddy?" Ismene asked cautiously. Slowly Callie nodded and all the toys rose up into the air.

Michael whistled. "Holy shit." He exclaimed.

"Michael!" Ismene snapped. Michael's eyes widened.

"Oops, sorry dear."

Callie giggled. " 'Oly, shi'" she exclaimed.

Michael paled as Ismene glared at him.

* * *

It was Callie's first day at school. Michael and Ismene both walked her there, hugged her and kissed her and waved goodbye as she went in with the rest of her class.

"She's so grown up already!" Ismene said tearfully.

"Hmm, won't be long and she'll be leaving school." Michael said thoughtfully.

"Oh don't say that!" Ismene said smacking him playfully on the shoulder. "I just hope she doesn't turn her teachers hair blue."

Michael chuckled. "Have you been reading Harry Potter again?"

"Well of course! Ever since that morning with the toys! I dread to think what muggles used to do before the Harry Potter books. They've been my lifeline!"

"Well, as long as she doesn't start apparating onto roofs I'm fine." Michael said with a smirk.

* * *

"Mum! Can I have a witches and wizards party for my eleventh?" Callie asked her mother, tugging on her sleeve. Ismene looked down at her daughter looking as if she was trying not to laugh.

"Of course, why not?"

* * *

"What on earth are you wearing?!" Ismene exclaimed.

"My costume for Callie's party!" Michael replied.

Ismene eyed him up and down critically. "Who the hell are you meant to be?"

"Harry Potter!"

Ismene couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing. "Are you serious?" She asked in between giggles.

"Yes!" Michael protested. He was wearing a black wig, a school boys uniform which obviously didn't fit him and the scar on his head looked like it had been drawn on with eye pencil and was therefore smudged. "Who are you anyway?"

"I am Professor McGonagal." Ismene said impressively, standing tall in her best McGonagal impression.

"Bloody hell, you sound just like her!"

"Why thank you Mr Potter." Ismene said, graciously inclining her head.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Come, on let's see what everyone else has come as." He said, grabbing her had and dragging her into the living room.

Callie had invited many of her friends. There were several Hermione Grangers and Ron Weasley's hanging about. All the children dressed as Harry Potter looked far better than Michael. There were even some Dumbledore's thrown in the mix.

All of a sudden a man in a long black robe and a black wig leapt into the room, spreading his arms wide. "What the devil is going on heeeere?" he cried.

Michael and Ismene were doubled up in laughter whilst the children screeched. "Honestly Severus, I thought you were better than that?" Said a man who was leaning in the doorway, also in a black robe but sporting a snakelike face.

"I'm sorry my Lord." 'Snape' said, bowing low to the ground.

Michael and Ismene chuckled at their best friends' antics. "Oi John, Dave, you're scaring the kids!" Michael called over to them.

"You mean these insufferable little brats?" John said coldly.

"Argh!" Dave cried. All the kids squealed and giggled. At that moment the doorbell rang. Ismene hurried off to open the door, wondering who it was.

Outside stood a rather old woman, her greying hair piled atop of her head and wearing emerald green robes. As Ismene opened the door, the stern looking woman raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't realize I had a twin sister." She said calmly.

Ismene was speechless. She registered with a wince her husband thundering down the corridor with John (aka Snape) chasing him. "Come back here Potter!" he cried. Both of the woman's eyebrows shot up this time.

"Um, would you like to come in for tea?" Ismene asked weakly.

* * *

"My name is Professor McGonagal," the woman started. "However I suspect you already knew that."

The party had ended and the children had long ago gone home. Now both Ismene and Michael were sat in their living room on the sofa, with Callie squished in between them. Professor McGonagal was sat comfortably in the armchair opposite.

"I have come to tell you that your daughter is witch. But once again, I think you knew that too."

Ismene and Michael nodded whilst their daughter stared up at them incredulously. "I'm a witch?!"

"Well of course hunnie. How else do you explain the time you nearly knocked your dad's head off with a flying baseball bat?" Ismene laughed nervously.

"Here is your Hogwarts letter. I must ask, how did you know about the magical world?" Professor McGonagal questioned.

"The Harry Potter books of course!" Michael answered.

McGonagal chuckled. "I should have known. Harry was not happy when those were published. Anyway, I have come in person to take you to Diagon Alley. You may come with your daughter if you wish."

"Well, duh!" Both Ismene and Michael exclaimed.

* * *

"So this is Diagon Alley." Ismene breathed.

McGonagal had showed them the entrance to Diagon Alley before announcing that she had to get back to Hogwarts. The small family were stood there, enthralled. Diagon Alley had been restored to it's former glory and was packed with wizards, going about their business. Ismene and Michael felt out of place in their muggle clothing.

"Come on! We have to go to Gringotts!" Callie shouted, tugging them along.

They arrived at the renowned bank, and were stared at by the goblins mistrustfully.

"Do you think they're still pissed about the dragon?" Michael whispered out of the corner of his mouth. Ismene snorted. After exchanging their paper money for heavy gold coins, it was time to buy Callie's school stuff. They point-blank refused to buy her a broomstick or a solid gold cauldron. They did however let her have an owl, which she called Mars, after her favourite chocolate. Eventually it was time for Ollivanders.

"You can go in alone, we'll wait outside." They reassured her. It was something that she wanted to do independently.

Eventually she emerged, brandishing her new wand. "10 inches, Larch, Unicorn hair, slightly springy!" she said proudly. "Although the man in there was really creepy." She muttered.

"Yes well, now you've got your wand I don't want you blowing up my new vase, just because you hate it!" Ismene yelled after her daughter as she ran laughing down the street.

Michael shook his head. "Never give a prankster ideas dear."

"Good job she's not a prankster then."

"Oh really?" Michael said, nodding over to where his daughter was stood.

She was stood staring in wonderment at the biggest, loudest and most colourful shop in the whole street. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Even from a distance it hit your eyes like a confetti bomb.

"Oh god." Ismene moaned. Michael gave her a wink and ran after his daughter, ushering her inside. "Oh I'm going to kill him." Ismene growled.

She hurried after her husband and daughter and entered the shop, only to get caught up in the masses of people inside. She had to duck every now and then to avoid flying objects and she constantly bumped into people. Still she could not find them.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." As she knocked some brightly coloured sweets out of a young boy's hand. She backed away only to run into someone else.

"Crap, so sorry sir." She said turning around to look at the grinning stranger. He was wearing mauve robes and sported a mop bright ginger hair.

"No problem. Mr George Weasley, co-owner of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, at your service." He said extending his hand.

Ismene's eyes widened. "Hello." She stammered.

He squinted at her attire. "Are you a muggle?" he inquired.

"Well, yes. I'm trying to find my husband and daughter. They're running amok in your shop and I dread to think what they might do, they're mischievous little devils." Ismene hurried to explain.

"Mischievous little devils, eh? Sound like my kind of people." George grinned. "What do they look like, I'll help you find them."

"My husband is fairly tall with light brown hair and glasses. My daughter has short dark hair, and brown eyes. They're both wearing muggle clothes." Ismene described.

Georges eyes twinkled. "I think I know where they are." And he led Ismene over to a row of shelves filled with boxes of sweets. There Michael and Callie were stood giggling.

"Oh hello dear. Fancy a sweet?" Michael said innocently, offering her a round, glossy pink sweet.

Ismene raised an eyebrow. "Did you seriously think I would fall for that?"

George chuckled. "You guys have got to be the funniest muggles I've met."

"Here Callie, try this." Michael said, chucking her a sweet. Trusting her father she immediately popped it into her mouth and instantly turned into a canary. Michael burst into laughter.

"Michael you idiot! We're muggles, how are we going to turn her back?!" Ismene demanded.

George calmly flicked his wand and Callie turned back, looking shocked. She immediately glared at her father. "You're so dead."

"You'll have to catch me first!" And he legged it out of the shop.

Ismene sighed, exasperated. "Thank you Mr Weasley. Here, for the sweet my daughter ate." She said handing him some money. George just waved her off.

"Call me George." He said kindly. "And I didn't catch your name?"

"Ismene. And now i really must run after my family." She said running out of the shop. George watched them, laughing.

* * *

Ismene and Michael were laid in bed, exhausted.

"We're going to platform 9 and ¾ tomorrow." Michael mused.

"I know. It's like a childhood dream."

"I think we should totally embarrass the crap out of Callie."

"What do you suggest?" Ismene asked, grinning wickedly.

* * *

'Mum, Dad, what the hell are you doing?!' Callie hissed.

'Why, we're being wizards!" Ismene exclaimed.

"You know, to blend in."

"I suppose you'd call us incognito."

They were wearing tall sparkly hats adorned with stars and moons and long flowing robes, purple in colour also adorned with stars and moons. They were walking weirdly, almost prancing.

"You're embarrassing me." Callie moaned.

"Come on dear, chop chop, you'll miss the train." Ismene hurried her. She nudged Michael.

"This is it." she whispered. They ran with their daughter through the wall, all 3 closing their eyes instinctively. They opened their eyes and there was the scarlet train, steam rising from its chimney. Children were dragging their trunks behind them, parents were fussing over their children.

"Come on." Callie said gritting her teeth.

The two parents followed, nodded their heads towards all the people who stared at them.

"Well, what do we have here?" Said a recognisable voice. George Weasley was waving to them. Next to him stood his wife Angelina and his children, Roxanne and Fred.

"Shh!" Ismene whispered.

"We're wizards!" Michael whispered too.

"Not muggles!" Ismene said loudly.

"We even have wands." Michael said flourishing a stick he had protruded from his sleeve.

"We can do spells!"

"Abracadabra!"

"Alakazam!"

"Hocus Pocus!"

"Open seseme!"

"BLO MO CO JO!"

Ismene stopped still and turned to stare at her husband. "What the hell was that?"

"Language of the Jadoon I think." Michael said sheepishly.

"You've been watching Doctor Who again, haven't you?" Ismene said in a resigned voice.

"Maybe." Michael said shrugging.

"Well, in that case. Hasssa sooocasss sssaaaa!" Ismene said making strange hissing noises.

"What was THAT?!" George exclaimed.

They both faced him and said in unison. "Parseltongue."

George couldn't help it. He burst out laughing.

* * *

Both Ismene and Michael were walking through Kings Cross station on their way home. They both had big smiles on their faces.

"That went well, didn't it dear?" Ismene said.

"Callie was thoroughly embarrassed." Michael said triumphantly, taking hold of her hand.

"We're amazing parents." They both said laughing.


End file.
